Why Do I Write?

at 5, i believed no one understood my love for my dog that was killed by hit and run, so i wrote.

at 7, i thought i could not explain to anyone how thrilled i was to have a baby brother, so i wrote.

at 8, i imagined that i was the only one who loved the book, "Little House in the Big Woods," so i wrote.

at 11, i was worried that no one understood what moving felt like. it was a new school in a new state. instead of writing, i began to type.

at 13, i saw that my thoughts had changed in a short period of time and i was unsure of them, so i typed.

at 16, i felt like no one could understand me because i could not understand myself too, so i typed.

at 18, i was nervous that my kind of happy thoughts would set people apart from me, so i typed.

today at 24, i feel i may confuse others with my life, my thoughts, and dreams, i take them to writing.

dreadlocks: a daily reminder

nearly four years ago, just a month into my 21st,
strolling down the small streets of Koh Pha Ngan
a young mind, eyes all opened, life hasn't slapped yet

sitting by 3 Malaysian sisters and their sick shih tzu,
telling me they would lock my hair well
pain on the left, on the back, on the right of hair

today, a half year into my 24th,
sitting in the office with a paper to do,
a yearning mind, eyes a bit tired, life can be confusing

when they were done and their shih tzu began his dinner,
i left the salon wondering when my dreads would loosen up
headache all evening, itchy all over head

 little did i know what would happen
over 4 years as the dreads grew
from my chin to my breasts

it continued to grow right here by me
when i graduated from college
when i got my first job

also when woes came at me,
with heartbreak, death, and confusion
it continued to grow right there by me.

Those 3 Malaysian sisters locked young mind's hair
So perfect and beautiful so it could be her daily reminder
That life doesn't stop and she must continue to grow.

thought of 1/21

no one knows what your thoughts were few minutes before
no one knows what your last night's dream was about
no one knows what you're feeling right now

even if you told them, but these are not theirs
they are bound to forget, even let it slip away
these are yours, only you understand

only you understand how dreary your thoughts are
only you understand how sad your last night dream was
only you understand how you're feeling right now

Paulo Coelho's the man

I've posted some blogs about Paulo Coelho or his works. He is my all time favorite author. To this date, I have read 11 of his books. There are a lot more that I haven't yet to read but this is a thrilling news.

He's an unique author. He is a spiritual fiction writer. There is always metaphysics in his novels. Often it is with intention, according to my opinion, to guide us in the depth of our thoughts, our world, and even our emotions. Like one of his book, By River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept, is a story of two lovers reunited after 11 years but the lady had buried her feelings and the guy had gone on a religion refuge. This only meant a journey of difficulties with special relationship on one side and decade of resentments & blame on the other side. Difficulties in Coelho's novels are not the products of daily life but of what we bury deep inside. They are there for us to reexamine.

"We are travelers on a cosmic journey,stardust,swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share.This is a precious moment. It is a little parenthesis in eternity." -The Alchemist

“An awareness of death encourages us to live more intensely.” -Veronika Decides to Die

"When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself." -Eleven Minutes

"The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times." -The Alchemist

"In real life, love has to be possible. Even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire."

- By River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

"When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left! How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly? Life moves very fast. It rushes from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds." -Eleven Minutes

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

-David Harkins

an old friend sent me this poem to strengthen me with the loss of my mema, thank you. reading it does help.

Lines of Life

But the sea

which no one tends

is also a garden...

-from "Of Asphodel that Greeny Flower" by William Carlos Williams

Truth be told, my mom is imperfectly perfect like a garden. while most people never gave her time of the day like a sea, she still flourished. often, it was so that her children could still flourish. because of that, i do not think there is anyone as strong as her.

missing you really hurts

mornings have gone by, so have the afternoons

nights for me, swifted faster than any other time

time heals the wounds, a few have told me during the funeral

but time is timeless now, minutes aren't there

just changing time of the day, changing shades of the sky

the feeling of absence is still here, the memories of your pain still

live in my head like december 18 was only a minute ago.

and that it is still 2010.

is life greener on the other side?

this is what life looks like

when you wringe your neck

to your right to believe

that life is, indeed, greener

on the other side.

now you know

everywhere you go

there is a great deal of pain

only in your head, can you

make sure your life's a green one.