only one February 18, 2011 in our lifetime

circa. August 2005

there is only one February 18, 2011, do we all realize that
what we do that day will happen only once
and our memories of that day are rare?

that night which i remember very well
beginning of a college semester,
psyched to go to a party to see all new freshmen

i assumed i would graduate from college
and still be in touch with everyone
and that i will see them during reunion

because we all had partied that night
laughed about freshmen's premature excitement
and walked back home in safety like a typical college night

reunion hasn't happened yet but life has happened
she died in a car accident, drunk driving
now there's only 5 of us in that picture and the memories

when the reunion happens, we will converse about that night dearly
for every day happens only once, that night will never reoccur
older and wiser, we grasp that each day is to never be taken for granted.

being your sister

the earliest reason

for my being

was to be your sister

and i am sure 

 one of the last reasons

for my being

is to be your sister, too. 

Valentine Stuff

some creative stuff during the week of valentine galore.

two sides to love

Stanzas from New Mexico State Song

the full New Mexico State Song can be found here

coffee, my vice.

Soo...I was trying to type a paper but
I did not have any coffee
this morning.

Vice, coffee has this name.
So do other things of mine that
interrupt my life and what i need to do.

i saw this somewhere,
there's no devil in hell--they r here on earth
i bet it's true and their names are Vices.

snowflakes last night

yesterday, snowflakes fell upon our home all night long
outside was bitter cold yet the scenario felt
so warm and familiar, i knew for one thing you were with us,
on the day you went away, we all had agreed that
your love for people and family were like the snowflakes
that fell upon New York City during any blizzard,  
enormous and eternal
your pouring love, like at the ending of any blizzard in the city,
made all of us beautiful.

Why Do I Write?

at 5, i believed no one understood my love for my dog that was killed by hit and run, so i wrote.

at 7, i thought i could not explain to anyone how thrilled i was to have a baby brother, so i wrote.

at 8, i imagined that i was the only one who loved the book, "Little House in the Big Woods," so i wrote.

at 11, i was worried that no one understood what moving felt like. it was a new school in a new state. instead of writing, i began to type.

at 13, i saw that my thoughts had changed in a short period of time and i was unsure of them, so i typed.

at 16, i felt like no one could understand me because i could not understand myself too, so i typed.

at 18, i was nervous that my kind of happy thoughts would set people apart from me, so i typed.

today at 24, i feel i may confuse others with my life, my thoughts, and dreams, i take them to writing.

dreadlocks: a daily reminder

nearly four years ago, just a month into my 21st,
strolling down the small streets of Koh Pha Ngan
a young mind, eyes all opened, life hasn't slapped yet

sitting by 3 Malaysian sisters and their sick shih tzu,
telling me they would lock my hair well
pain on the left, on the back, on the right of hair

today, a half year into my 24th,
sitting in the office with a paper to do,
a yearning mind, eyes a bit tired, life can be confusing

when they were done and their shih tzu began his dinner,
i left the salon wondering when my dreads would loosen up
headache all evening, itchy all over head

 little did i know what would happen
over 4 years as the dreads grew
from my chin to my breasts

it continued to grow right here by me
when i graduated from college
when i got my first job

also when woes came at me,
with heartbreak, death, and confusion
it continued to grow right there by me.

Those 3 Malaysian sisters locked young mind's hair
So perfect and beautiful so it could be her daily reminder
That life doesn't stop and she must continue to grow.

thought of 1/21

no one knows what your thoughts were few minutes before
no one knows what your last night's dream was about
no one knows what you're feeling right now

even if you told them, but these are not theirs
they are bound to forget, even let it slip away
these are yours, only you understand

only you understand how dreary your thoughts are
only you understand how sad your last night dream was
only you understand how you're feeling right now

Paulo Coelho's the man

I've posted some blogs about Paulo Coelho or his works. He is my all time favorite author. To this date, I have read 11 of his books. There are a lot more that I haven't yet to read but this is a thrilling news.

He's an unique author. He is a spiritual fiction writer. There is always metaphysics in his novels. Often it is with intention, according to my opinion, to guide us in the depth of our thoughts, our world, and even our emotions. Like one of his book, By River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept, is a story of two lovers reunited after 11 years but the lady had buried her feelings and the guy had gone on a religion refuge. This only meant a journey of difficulties with special relationship on one side and decade of resentments & blame on the other side. Difficulties in Coelho's novels are not the products of daily life but of what we bury deep inside. They are there for us to reexamine.

"We are travelers on a cosmic journey,stardust,swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share.This is a precious moment. It is a little parenthesis in eternity." -The Alchemist

“An awareness of death encourages us to live more intensely.” -Veronika Decides to Die

"When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself." -Eleven Minutes

"The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times." -The Alchemist

"In real life, love has to be possible. Even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire."

- By River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

"When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left! How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly? Life moves very fast. It rushes from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds." -Eleven Minutes

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

-David Harkins

an old friend sent me this poem to strengthen me with the loss of my mema, thank you. reading it does help.

Lines of Life

But the sea

which no one tends

is also a garden...

-from "Of Asphodel that Greeny Flower" by William Carlos Williams

Truth be told, my mom is imperfectly perfect like a garden. while most people never gave her time of the day like a sea, she still flourished. often, it was so that her children could still flourish. because of that, i do not think there is anyone as strong as her.

missing you really hurts

mornings have gone by, so have the afternoons

nights for me, swifted faster than any other time

time heals the wounds, a few have told me during the funeral

but time is timeless now, minutes aren't there

just changing time of the day, changing shades of the sky

the feeling of absence is still here, the memories of your pain still

live in my head like december 18 was only a minute ago.

and that it is still 2010.

is life greener on the other side?

this is what life looks like

when you wringe your neck

to your right to believe

that life is, indeed, greener

on the other side.

now you know

everywhere you go

there is a great deal of pain

only in your head, can you

make sure your life's a green one.

Wise Saying from Madrid, NM

i've been told that not all wise sayings are for everyone. but i solemnly want to say that this sign of wise saying is, in fact, for everyone.

circa. december 4, 2010

old but comforting, this is America you know

in this land of enhancement, ancient sings

for every drop of soil in the mountains and deserts

bleeds stories of past, where ancestors once flourished

that now lives quietly behind the hidden beauty of New Mexico.

all love stories are the same

There was Diego Rivera and his Frida

Or should we all disagree

For the chain was led by the matriarch of love

Frida who loved her Diego.

Diego was all she thought about

The producer of her joy and tears

Woes, heartbreaks, and betrayals,

Yet his embrace was the centerpiece of her everything.

There was John Lennon who left his wife

For a woman he fell in love at one party, Yoko Ono,

Their love story never broke up the group,

It made John Lennon the peacemaker.

A love story that was cut short

With the assassination of John,

Became a legend of a beautiful love story

Everyone saw the spell Ono had on John.

All love stories are the same if we really see it

Because what matters is how the person is felt during the time

If she or he feels, understands, and possesses love

Then all love stories are the same.

343 Townsend Ave, by the cove,

in the heart of Italian New Haven,

there lays a house of love, family, and compassion.

More than an address

More than a house

More than a set of grandparents.

But an address of where love is,

an house of compassion,

a set of grandparents that define family.

At this time of the year,

With my struggles & confusion,

I long to be at 343 Townsend Ave.

As I Went Out One Morning

Bob Dylan

As I went out one morning

To breathe the air around Tom Paine’s

I spied the fairest damsel

That ever did walk in chains

I offer’d her my hand

She took me by the arm

I knew that very instant

She meant to do me harm

“Depart from me this moment”

I told her with my voice

Said she, “But I don’t wish to”

Said I, “But you have no choice”

“I beg you, sir,” she pleaded

From the corners of her mouth

“I will secretly accept you

And together we’ll fly south”

Just then Tom Paine, himself

Came running from across the field

Shouting at this lovely girl

And commanding her to yield

And as she was letting go her grip

Up Tom Paine did run,

“I’m sorry, sir,” he said to me

“I’m sorry for what she’s done”

i love this poem

Starfish

by Eleanor Lerman

This is what life does. It lets you walk up to

the store to buy breakfast and the paper, on a

stiff knee. It lets you choose the way you have

your eggs, your coffee. Then it sits a fisherman

down beside you at the counter who says, Last night

the channel was full of starfish. And you wonder,

is this a message, finally, or just another day?

Life lets you take the dog for a walk down to the

pond, where whole generations of biological

processes are boiling beneath the mud. Reeds

speak to you of the natural world: they whisper,

they sing. And herons pass by. Are you old

enough to appreciate the moment? Too old?

There is movement beneath the water, but it

may be nothing. There may be nothing going on.

And then life suggests that you remember the

years you ran around, the years you developed

a shocking lifestyle, advocated careless abandon,

owned a chilly heart. Upon reflection, you are

genuinely surprised to find how quiet you have

become. And then life lets you go home to think

about all this. Which you do, for quite a long time.

Later, you wake up beside your old love, the one

who never had any conditions, the one who waited

you out. This is life's way of letting you know that

you are lucky. (It won't give you smart or brave,

so you'll have to settle for lucky.) Because you

stopped when you should have started again.

So life lets you have a sandwich, and pie for your

late night dessert. (Pie for the dog, as well.) And

then life sends you back to bed, to dreamland,

while outside, the starfish drift through the channel,

with smiles on their starry faces as they head

out to deep water, to the far and boundless sea.